Maybe Balance Is the Wrong Goal

Throughout my adult life, there’s one question I’ve gotten with remarkable consistency: “So… when are you getting married?”

It usually surfaces after I’ve shared some ridiculous story from a work adventure. Or returned from some far-flung trip. Or shown up late to dinner after a day that somehow included three meetings, a shoot, and 17,000 steps.

You see, I’ve somehow built a pretty robust life and thriving career as a single dude who has always wanted to be married… but isn’t. This seems to confuse people.

Are you really happy?
Are you fulfilled?
You work too much.
Maybe you don’t make enough room for relationships.

Thank you, TikTok therapists.

As a storyteller, I’m fascinated by the assumptions underneath these questions. Because we love a tidy narrative. Career goes here. Relationship goes there. Family here. Friends there. Exercise before 8 a.m. Vacation twice a year. Keep everything properly balanced and — voilà! — a fulfilling life.

Except I’m not convinced life works that way.

I’ve never been particularly interested in work/life balance because the phrase itself suggests there are two competing sides of me constantly negotiating for equal time. I’m much more interested in harmony.

Harmony is messier.

It ebbs and flows. It recognizes that a meaningful life might include a strategy session I’m completely consumed by one morning and a music recital for one of my godkids that afternoon. A 45-minute power walk in the morning. A four-hour client shoot later. A book that cracks open a new idea. A long dinner that runs way too late because the conversation is too good to leave. None of those things are interruptions from my life. They are my life. And that distinction matters.

Harmony doesn’t require every part of your life to receive equal attention every day. It asks whether, over time, the things you value are actually getting enough of you. That requires freedom, yes. But also discipline.

Knowing when to go all in, when to pull back, what deserves more of you right now — and being willing to change that answer when life changes. Because the goal isn’t to perfectly balance the pieces. It’s to make sure they’re playing the same song.

So yes, I’ve somehow ended up single when I always imagined I’d be building a life with someone by now. Plot twist... that doesn’t make this chapter incomplete.

I’m thriving. I’m fulfilled. I’m curious. I’m building. I’m loving people deeply. And yes, I’m still open to whoever might eventually wander into this slightly chaotic arrangement and decide they like the music.

Applications remain open.

But I’m not putting the rest of my life in the waiting room until then. And maybe that’s the bigger challenge for all of us: Stop measuring your life against how neatly the pieces fit. Instead, ask: Do the things I’m giving myself to actually sound like me?

Because balance might make for a tidy schedule.
Harmony makes for a life.